Can women be true friends?
With all the discussion in the HHC forums over the years, more than marriage, more than children, the subject of ‘girlfriends’ comes up over and over. Making friends is hard for housewives and keeping them is even harder. Why? Why are women so hard on each other? Just look at the Housewives television series on Bravo. These women are crazy. Friends one minute, stabbing each other in the back the next. The New York series just started. The promo for the show each woman said the same thing, ‘Is she my friend? Does she have my back?’ I thought it was pathetic that each of these women well into their thirties and forties were so insecure. They all have the best of everything.
All these housewives on these shows sporting their fancy watches and living in big houses, are desperate to feel truly loved by a female friend. It’s the kind of thing you yearn for even if you have the best marriage. Someone you can chit chat with during the day on the phone. Someone you can stroll the mall with. Someone you can call at three AM when you need to take your children to the hospital. How many 3am girls do you have? That is how I judge a real friendship. Who can you call in the middle of the night? Who can you drop your kids off in a pinch? Who can you trust? Who has your back?
There is a book that one of my friends is reading, ‘Tripping the Prom Queen.’ In it women tell their girlfriend horror stories. One women was so traumatized by the ‘bleached blonde skinny girl’ in high school that she is still isn’t over it even though she is married and her life is considered successful. Another woman admits that deep down she has hated her best friend of 20 years. The author suggests that true friendship just cannot exist among women. I think that is crap!
You know, I have often heard women say, ‘they like men more than women.’ That they ‘have more guy friends than female.’ And yes, is true, women are crazy. But, what type of woman are you? In life you get what you give out. If you are nice, friendly, fun, and trustworthy, that is the type of woman you will attract. The Bravo Housewives of NY, claim they just want good girlfriends yet each of them bad mouths the other behind their back. Jill, the redhead, was invited for a boating day and all she did was bad mouth the hostess Ramona. This is in poor taste. This girl Jill, is a mean lady. And that is key.
There are positive people and negative people. If you make a choice to stay away from negative women, and you refuse to get in the dirt with them, you will stay above the drama. Are there mean girls? Yes. Are there great gals? Absolutely. I have been lucky enough to have a bunch of great girlfriends who I know I can depend on no matter what. We are happy for each other and we love each other’s children. I am blessed for this. I started the HHC forums so housewives can talk to other housewives. And the ladies on HHC are amazing.
So open yourself up to meet nice ladies. Join your local mom’s group. Go to the library. Strike up a conversation at the park. Join the PTA. And remember you will get back the vibes you give out.
Patti Romano says
Yes Darla! I do think that women can be friends! No one understands a woman better than another woman. And great girlfriends will become lifetime girlfriends even when distance separates them.
When I moved to South Carolina 5 years ago, one of my greatest sorrows was losing the girlfriends who I had connected with even before I had my two boys. These were young ladies I had worked with, gone out to dinner with, taken decorative painting and stenciling classes with, exercised with, shared good books and movies with, swapped recipes and health tips with, worked with, and ultimately celebrated the birth of children with. How could I ever replace those special ladies?
Well, I didn’t have to: those same ladies are my best friends to this day — and even though we don’t see each other quite so often, they’re only a phone call or an email away. And yes, we still share our trials and tribulations, our joy and our sorrows — maybe not as regularly, but certainly as deeply. I never would have been able to make this geographic move without the constant communication and love from my girlfriends. And now, as one of my best friends is moving to California, I can say from my heart, “Roseann, I’ll be there for you — just pick up the phone. You guys helped me through a huge change in my life–you gave me the courage to resettle — I’ll be glad to share my insight and lessons learned.” I’ll be happy to tell her, “You don’t need to try and fit in — just reach out a little and in places that interest you and more good friends will be attracted to you once again.”
When my husband was ill this past year, my girlfriends were in constant contact offering prayers and encouragement. I actually sent a chain email to all my friends asking for a prayer chain to be started. When one of my girlfriend’s husbands closed his business due to the economy, and she was down and out, I supported her with emails, cards, and phone calls, and yes…prayers. And last week we celebrated long-distance her husband’s new job.
Oh, I could go on and on and talk about children, pre-teens, teenagers, aging parents, going back to work–and every little hurdle and joy in between. Yes, Darla,
women can be friends! The very best of friends!
Fantastic post and so very true! I have heard of the book, Tripping the Prom Queen and I do think it would be an interesting read. It is hard to make friends, real friends. In know alot of people but could I call them at 3am? You make an excellent point.
P.S. I haven’t been on this site in a long time but something made me think of it today and I’m remembering what I liked so much about it before. 🙂
I am 41 years old and have been a housewife for almost 7 years. I do not know how I would have gotten through these years of being home with my children if it weren’t for my girlfriends. I married my best friend, but he can’t truly understand what life is like for me the way my fellow housewife/mom friends can. I’m happy to say I know that each one of them have my back and wouldn’t hesitate to take my call at 3am. I hope they know I would do the same. We’re lucky to have each other and we need to be all be kinder to each other. I really hope the Bravo shows are mostly scripted. Those women, no matter how entertaining they are, make us all look bad.
Darla Shine says
I was really sickened last week watching Jill on the NYC housewives treat Bethany the way she did. Putting her on speaker phone was so childish. And knowing the girl is pregnant you would think she would cut her some slack.
If you can find a few nice girls to push the stroller with, have a few laughs with, and spend some time with, it’s a great thing.
I am 41 and have been a stay at home mom / housewife for 15 years now. My world was my family. I had no friends. At all! I became so depressed & miserable, hating it (but not willing to give it up), just knowing there was MORE! We moved and our new next door neighbor introduced herself & fortunately, she’s miss socialite. After getting over my insecurities about how pretty & thin she was (ha ha), she has truly been my saving grace. Thanks to HER, I’ve met so many new friends & we have a monthly get together! I also became a member of our PTO & THAT was the best thing I could have done!!! Meeting so many people & feeling needed & appreciated somewhere other than home….well….it really changed my life!! I think what you said above “If you make a choice to stay away from negative women, and you refuse to get in the dirt with them, you will stay above the drama” I’m going to have to share with my daughters. It’s very good advice. Thank you for your book (I have read it several times, it’s highlighted, it’s underlined, it’s dogeared, my husband, my friends AND my therapist knows about it! LOL It’s just what I need to snap me out of a funk when I get there! My ‘dream’ is to write books for women too—has been for 15 years since I got out of an abusive marriage—and reading your book always motivates me to get that started too!! Maybe this time I will!! Thank you Darla!! 🙂