On Thanksgiving my husband and I were playfully toasting each other about how grateful we were for each other. He toasted my ‘great ass’ and I toasted his ‘great job.’ We laughed. I told him how thankful I was that I didn’t have to work. And I proudly say it. I have no problem letting him be the bread winner. I have no worries that I am not using my education. My friend Mary just sent me an article that is in the Forbes magazine about a woman who is horrified her 7 year old daughter is aspiring to be a ‘full time mom.’ The writer told her daughter that she could work and have children but the little girl was smart enough to reply that it would make no sense to do that and have to pay a sitter. Wow. In today’s economic nightmare this little girl is quite astute. Many women end up with hardly any money to show for their 40 hour week after paying for day care, and working costs. I have always argued that it isn’t the women with the crappy jobs who are in favor of being a career gal, it’s the wealthier woman who does have better options. It is the educated career gal who enjoys her money, status, and power so much that she is unwilling to be selfless for her children. Unfortunately these women have not found a way to fight harder for more options for working mothers. I hoped years ago that more mom share programs and work at home options would open up for the career minded mom. And yes, more businesses are owned now by moms than ever. Women are finding a way to make it all work with a baby on their hip. Just look at the mom bloggers. They want it all and are finding a way to make it all work from home. Not to get off into my tangent on the working moms versus the stay at home moms, I just wanted to make the point, that I don’t know why anyone would work full time if they didn’t have to. Even the most successful man would take a day off to golf each week. So if you have a husband making a living who can support his wife and his family, good for him. Good for that woman who holds her own by keeping the family budget together, finding ways to save the family money each week, and focusing on rasing good humans. That after all is the most important job of all isn’t it? If you can raise your children to be healthy, happy and successful, you really did a great thing didn’t you? And this little girl should not be mocked for wanting to grow up to be a mom. She should be applauded.
Doing the best I can says
I’m sorry, but Darla, I don’t think you’re in a place to comment on this issue. Didn’t you yourself have a good many years to pursue a career before you gave it up for your children? And then you used that reputation to launch your at-home, mom-blogging business? Try getting a college degree and working just 1.5 years before having to quit because you’re pregnant!
You have to worry about the family budget? Isn’t your husband a network executive? Making six figures, I’d guess? My husband barely makes $50,000 a year, and we stretch that to pay for the mortgage (on a 1400 square foot home), student loans, car payment, everyday expenses, and two kids. We don’t have a dime in retirement accounts, and barely have savings to put away each month.
So it’s not about being selfish that makes some women go to work to use their educations. It’s about trying to provide the best future they can for their families. We don’t all get to have a great career and a rich husband, Darla. We do the best we can. You are not the one to lecture us on how we failed, because I’m sure enough of us have enough guilt.
Darla Shine says
There is no secret to my life. Any member of my club or any one who has read my book knows my husband is a tv exec and I had a great career. I am not lecturing anyone on how anyone failed. That article I am referring to the writer, talks about how women who don’t go back to work full time are failures. How about that? How about women who look at me and other full time stay at home moms as failures? As if we are useless because we are not working? And my point was would you WANT to work full time? Not do you have to. I am constantly up against feminist career chicks who think women who do not have careers are wasting their education or sitting home eating bon bons. That pisses me off. If you were a member of my club you would know that I am always supportive of any woman who works to help her family. Of course. In fact, I have always promoted moms getting part time jobs, going back to school, and building at home businesses. You should read my book.